It’s Not All About You by Elisabeth L. Morrissey: Review, Interview

It's Not All About You: Living with a Transsexual Spouse or Partner by Elisabeth L. Morrissey 

Publisher: Thursday Night Press, an imprint of DX Varos Publishing (May 23, 2023)
Category: LGBT, Self-Help, Relationships, Non-Fiction
Tour Dates May 23-June 15, 2023
ISBN: 978-1655065-870
Available in Print and ebook, 273 pages

 

Description It's Not All About You by Elisabeth L. Morrissey

Your husband tells you he’s transsexual. 

Do you drop him like a hot rock? Could it possibly work out? Read this book! Includes: the transsexual process, talking to others, assessing your relationship, finding therapists, maintaining your marriage, jealousy, helping your children adjust, and more. Also, for the woman who falls in love with a transsexual. It's not all about him. It's about you.

Review It's Not All About You by Elisabeth L. Morrissey

Review by Suzie

Everything your spouse does reflects on you. This is a decision that we make when we get married, and sometimes it can mean changes that you never would've expected.

Maybe you always thought you'd have the perfect, normal life, the white picket fence, the 2.5 kids, but one day your husband informs you that he has decided to come out as transgender, and your whole world gets turned upside down.

What do you do next? Author Elisabeth L. Morrissey aims to answer that questions with her book, “It's Not All About You, Living with a Transsexual Spouse or Partner.”

Elisabeth has been married to a trans woman for many years, and has faced a lot of push back from society for this.

Though she has no idea whether it's a good idea for you, the reader, and your spouse to stay together, Elisabeth provides quite a bit of advice on the topic that can help you make the decision yourself.

I personally found her stories about the different situations that her trans friends have faced to be both funny and sad.

Of course, coming out as trans is not something that is easily done, and it takes a lot of strength to support someone through this process.

'It's Not All About You,' has a section on everything from the emotional changes that your spouse or partner will be dealing with, to the changes that they may experience in their healthcare.

Everything that you and your trans spouse need to know is in this book!

The author writes like a friend that you've known for years giving you advice. I found myself laughing out loud at points and crying at others.

I cannot recommend this book highly enough for anyone who is going through this difficult change, or for anyone who wishes to learn more about the transgender community. 

Guest Post by Elisabeth L. Morrissey

 Asking For Help: I’ve got to talk to somebody!

After the initial shock wears off and you can breathe again, your first instinct may be to call your best girlfriend and tell her everything. But when you stop to think a minute about what you want to confide in her about, it brings you up short. Even if you’ve always said you could tell her anything, can you really talk to her about this?

How about your mother? If she never understood what you saw in your partner to begin with, this could be all she needs to purely hate him—hurting her baby like that! So who can you talk to?

This is a case where a professional may be the best choice. If you’ve never seen a therapist before, I can imagine being quite resistant to the idea. Your husband is the one with the problem, right?

Wrong! You have a lot to sort out and the last thing you need is anyone with any sort of bias, other than helping you figure out what is best for you. Any competent practitioner will have your best interests as a focus. They have no personal stake in the outcome. They can help you weigh and measure your relationship, providing feedback while you figure out whether this is something you can adjust to or if it’s a deal-breaker.

A professional can also help you work out who to tell and how to tell them. In your distress, you might blurt out information to people who have absolutely no need to know. Even those who need to be told eventually may not need to know yet. Also, different people need different amounts of information when it is appropriate.

Exploring how you really feel about what’s happening and how your relationship with your partner may change is emotionally draining. Even if you do have a friend you can talk to, you need to talk a lot! It may be all you can think about for the next while, and that kind of intense focus (some will call it an obsession) can wear a friend out. This work is easier to do with the help of someone you can trust and who isn’t personally invested in the outcome.

I strongly recommend that you try to find someone who has some familiarity with gender issues. If you live in or near a decent-sized city, this should not be difficult. If you live in a small town, it may be more of a challenge. A therapist who specializes in marriage and family therapy and has some experience at least with gay and lesbian issues is an acceptable second choice. A good marriage counselor will do, if it’s the best you can get in your area. Don’t forget, the therapist works for you; this person is not an authority figure. It’s okay to argue, disagree with or, if you don’t feel like you’re making progress, even fire your therapist and seek out another.

You may also want to consider joint therapy with your spouse in addition to your individual counselors. I don’t recommend seeing either of your personal therapists for this purpose. Both may be perfectly competent, but if they are doing what you hired them to do, they will be advocating for their primary client. You need someone who is on the “side” of the marriage, someone who is willing to tell either of you that you’re flat wrong if your behavior is endangering the relationship.

  A while back, Karen’s personal therapist retired, and she began looking for a new one. Our joint therapist offered to step in and become her new doctor. We couldn’t veto that fast enough. I knew that if she saw Karen privately, I’d never be able to trust her to advocate for the marriage again. Karen agreed with me, so she gave Karen a referral that has worked out well.

©Elisabeth L. Morrissey

About Elisabeth L. Morrissey

Elisabeth Morrissey learned a lot as a volunteer for several years at the Gender Identity Center of Colorado, a transgender support organization, and from her twenty-five-year marriage to a male-to-female transsexual. She is otherwise a homemaker and support system for her spouse, Karen. 

 Website: https://www.dxvaros.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/DXVaros
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elmorrissey
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100049203941245

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